I am so fucking sick of fucking Elko.
Like literally?
Literally?
Just wow.
1. Once people start dating, they become boring as fuck. I wasn't aware that having a relationship meant your whole personality got sucked into a void of nothingness. Sure it starts out cute, like, "Oh look what an interesting and functional couple they are.", but then it turns into, "Who? I don't even know who you are talking about because they are such a boring fucking couple that they blend into the crowd of already boring people." And on a final note with couples, people need to remember bros before hoes. I honestly think that this very statement should be one of the golden rules of life.
2. This town is about two months behind on all the trends. This wouldn't bother me if people didn't follow trends to a certain extent, and had their own sense of style, but that is not the case. Everyone here follows trends like druggies follow dealers. So it's like oh hey what's up plaid is in ALL OVER the country (not that I have anything against plaid). And then the trend is over and relief washes over me that I don't have to look at it anymore, and then everyone here is like ORLY PLAID I LOVE THAT SHIT. So I have to put up with it even longer.
3. Hey welcome to Elko where we have the stereotypical donut loving and power tripping cops that had bad high school years. Meth? No big deal. Abuse? Meh. Dirty hobos polluting our parks with broken glass and the stench of sweat and alcohol? Don't worry about it! Going ten over the speed limit and kids smoking pot?! STOP. WE HAVE A PROBLEM. But don't worry guys, because the cops are on it. And by it I mean marijuana use and speeding. Not our other problems.
Honestly, I just hate Elko. And practically everyone here. And if I say I like a person, there are about twenty aspects of that person's personality that I really hate. But I'll survive.
I mean there's good in everyone. And you have to take the bad with the good. Maybe I'll smoke more and believe what I'm saying. With weed comes wisdom.
Just accept it.
Just.
Accept.
It.
Your life will improve exponentially.
Everyone has something they hold on to.
It digs itself into their mind.
It keeps going past their mind.
Into their soul.
Soon it becomes a part of them.
And it never leaves.
It festers there until it causes the person to become so bitter.
So full of hate.
Let it go now.
Accept it.
It will make all the difference.
It's nights like these that make me regret my overdose incidents. I remember the days of unlimited xanax, percocet, and ambien. I miss it. I need it. I plan for the days when I'm eighteen and I can get them again. It's pathetic. I just sit there for hours in a half awake state, half dreaming about how it would feel to take 3 xanax, or a few ambien. I fantasize about how it would feel to get even one percocet into my system.
And most importantly, I wonder what it would take for me to stop.
What kind of person would I be if I didn't post a blog about New Year's Eve?! There wasn't much going on. Like really. So I got high. Like really high. Like I woke up later in the night and thought I was in the car still. OH LAWD. Overall it was pretty okay.
But my favorite things from the night include:
1) The black voice.
2) I think Brooke was high off the secondhand.
3) The HUGE fucking stem.
4) "Yeah I just thought we were going to be together today but I've been stuck with Ty and he's annoying..."
5) The album black man walking.
So I mean if I can make a list it must have been pretty okay!
Good morning kind people of the internet. I hope everyone's lives are excellent right now, because as of this very moment, my life has taken a turn onto insipid road. My life consists of doing nothing. FABULOUS.
I decided the one conversation you should never have with someone is the "What would you do if I died tomorrow..." conversation.
It's depressing. Especially when you ask people who feel no emotions. I like to think that if I were to die tomorrow, a lot of people would be deeply upset. I suppose most people do.
I read about this one man who paid someone to pretend like he was dead, but he had really just taken this drug that would paralyze him. He would still be alive and everything for the funeral, but eventually the drug would kill him. That way he would get to see his funeral, but wouldn't have people mad at him for faking his death, because he would be dead.
I want to know. I do. It's kind of fucked up. Sometimes I go through my friends and think about all of the commitments they would miss out on to go to my funeral. I wonder if they would be too upset to do anything. I wonder how far they would go with their mourning. I wonder how long it would take them to get over it, or if they would ever fully get over it. Some friends not caring hurts more than other friends not caring.
Asking people may not always work. It's easy to lie to someone about how much you care about them. The hard part is not showing how much you care for them once they're gone. That's when people's true feelings really shine through.
This is a weird feeling. I don't like it. It's hard to explain. It's pleasant but nauseating. I wish this wasn't happening to me though, regardless of how nice it is. The cons outweigh the pros. Ugh.
On a lighter note, yesterday was my 17th birthday. I just can't believe it. I honestly thought I was going to die before this. 17 years though. Wow. It just blows my mind. 6205 days. Some of them were good, some not so much.
I celebrated my birthday in an excellent way. I hung out with Brooke most of the day. We just did the usual weird things. We even tried hanging out with Shay, who decided to complain the whole time. Little comments like "Oh THIS is what you guys do for fun..." And then to top it all off she left like an hour after we got her to hang out with her boyfriend of like half a month. Ouch. But that's fine because I'm not into downers like that. After that, we met up with Caleb at what was supposed to be this Indian restaurant called the Royal Cuisine. Of course it was closed, seeing as it had a bad location and no one here really eats Indian food. In its place we found a Mexican restaurant. It was so good, once we finally got to eat (we had to wait for Caleb). Then we went exploring in godforsaken Spring Creek. We went out towards South Fork and just started taking roads until we weren't on roads. We were off-roading. And there were tracks everywhere, but soon you would just start to see tracks go off the road until there was like once set. On top of that Caleb kept saying zombies were going to come out from the sagebrush. I'm really scared of zombies, so I didn't find it nearly as amusing as he did. Brooke and I also filled his entire car with pillows and blankets so we would be cozy. We listened to music of course, and just overall had a blast.
AWESOME.
Do you ever have days where is just feels good to be alive? Like you wouldn't have your life any other way? That's my life for two (count em' two) days straight.
Friday I went to school. Sounds lame right? It really wasn't. As a matter of fact, it was fun. Once I got past all of the lame-o school work and such, I got to talk to my friends. Bleh they are so weird, but that's why I love them. And then after fifth I was like oh wow now I have to go home and be bored. Only that didn't happen. I went to Cowboy Joe with Becca. I'm not even sure if it was a real invitation, but whatevs. Ha. We talked for a really long time I'm pretty sure. And then this fucking hobo comes in out of fucking nowhere and starts talking to us about "them god damn homosexuals" and " these icy roads". I honestly did not want to be talking to this dirty man, but being the polite person I sometimes am, I decided to not be an asshole and have a conversation with him. In my eyes the conversation was pretty one sided considering he was slurring his speech in the worst way due to the fact that he was super drunk. Eventually I texted Becca who was right across the table from me and I was like "Let's go." So we did. Only as we were leaving he asked me for a dollar. I decided that everyone goes through hard times, so I gave him a dollar. Then he asked me to the movies. To. The. Movies. WTF. I was very surprised, so I just ended up blurting out the worst excuse of my life. "Oh....yeah. I'm busy tonight. I already have plans. Sorrrry." I am usually very good at making up excuses. But wow. So we leave. And Becca drives me home. And we don't die like I thought we were going to! Which is always a good thing.
So Saturday rolls around and I think "Wow Saturday=sleeping in.". Of course, I was wrong. I woke up at like seven thirty. I had plans that night, but not for the daytime, so I just wasted away like 11 hours. I looked up things on my favorite virus: Ebola. Here are some facts about it:
1. You bleed from your fucking pores.
2. Your organs basically liquefy.
3. There is no cure once you have it.
4. It is so contagious that it is considered both Biosafety level 4 (Pretty fucking extreme) and a Category A bioterrorism agent. WTF.
5. The last outbreak was in 2007. It is still around. SHITFUCK.
So then it is like six and it is hang out time! My friend Brooke and I are very good private investigators. Some days we are super fucking creepy and we P.I. our friends and they don't even know. Next we decided that because I'm sick, I need soup. STAT. Not just any type of soup though. My favorite kind. Which just happens to be tomato. So we go to every restaurant in town in hopes of finding it. But of course, god hates us and every restaurant had fucking weird soups like "Seafood Gumbo" or "Beef Macaroni". The latter option really pissed me off because they didn't even try to make it sound good. It's just right there. In all of its disgusting glory. So I don't get tomato soup. I got ice cream to soothe my sore throat. It helped. After that we went and got this crazy kid named Caleb. We told him we private investigated him, and he didn't even seem shocked. Brooke and I came to the conclusion that we do weird stuff so much, that the people that know us are desensitized. They don't even get shocked by our antics anymore. Oh, and Caleb stuck his face in snow. For no reason. WHAT. So eventually we decide to do what we always do, and explore around the train tracks. I would recommends this to anyone who enjoys fun. Because it truly is superb. Well we ended up getting lost. Like really lost. So we are just driving. We almost got stuck in the snow, which would have been shitty because we didn't even know where we were. Oh, and there was just the smallest bridge ever on the road. But there wasn't even a warning. If the Jeep would have been over an inch or two, we would have fallen off of the bridge. Like who builds a random fucking bridge and doesn't warn people? But then we got un-lost and went back to Elko. And drew penises all over Caleb's car. Ha. So I went home.
Now I am sitting in my fucking cold room. I can kind of see my breath, it's so cold. But you know what? I don't even care that much. I love my life right now. I have to go prepare myself for early birthday party number one, so peace out sauerkraut.
Wow this is weird. I haven't posted on this silly and ridiculous place in quite a while. I'm really different. I just want to post here so bitches don't be all up in my shit. But for real. I'm really stressed. I'm always stressed. I'm scared of the end of the world to be honest with you. I can feel it coming nearer. What's worse is the fact that I'm going to expire prior to getting married or fixing my fucking piece of shit GPA.
My head hurts. This is crazy. I'm thinking too much. Tomorrow I have a field trip and hopefully they don't split us up into boy girl buses like we're fucking 7. Honestly I will hang myself if I get stuck on a bus full of girls for 5+ hours. I like guys a lot more. Not in a slutty way. But who knows. For the most part they're not as sneaky or malicious girls.
Like SOME girls I know.
Oh don't worry, I'm not bitter.
I like making lists about people.
1. Guess what! You're a backstabber. You hurt me in the worst way. I'm not sure if I could ever forgive you, but I'm trying.
2. I think you're amazing. Really you are. I can't even think of negatives. Except sometimes you give me a headache.
3. You could have everything in life if you would let yourself. Stop dulling your shine.
4. I'm disappointed in you. I thought you had more integrity than you've proven in there.
5. I have always felt like I can trust you. That's a special quality, because I don't trust this much.
6. You are the most pathetic excuse for a person that I have ever had the unfortunate experience of encountering.
HDJHYHJHJHFHJDNHDF. If god is real, he should read this and tell me who I should actually be friends with. I am tired of wasting my time on backstabbers and bitches.
